Rants on Rants

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Rants on Rants

Post  IceLemur on Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:57 pm

Ranting is a fine art, it takes a constant stream of thoughts on a certain subject without any apparent end until it seems to just putter out. Some people say that only certain things can be ranted on, but I say nay! Anything can be ranted on about, even rants themselves, as I will demonstrate here, on this very forum. A truly good rant involves many elements designed primarily to direct the mind towards the pointless subject at hand, and simply overpowers the victim with a sheer magnitude of words and the unstoppable momentum of a rant once it has begun. When speaking, rants will become impossible to stop, as they will either power though any responses made by the victim, or will tie in whatever they said to the rant. It is a vicious cycle, but they rarely have definite direction, because of the very nature of the rant, but this is not important because the constant influx of words will wipe the short term memory of the victim, making it impossible for them to comprehend what has been said, as it makes no sense, but they will not comprehend that, and as such, they will not be able to disregard the rant. This style of rants takes nothing more then practice, as the constant stream of aimless thoughts mush be able to keep up with the words per minute of one's mind. This is a simple process of practicing it, usually this takes place when the ranter is alone, and feels like talking to the wall, mirror, air, paint, floor, window, sink, water in the sink, soap, shampoo, shower head, themselves, or any other object that is commonly found in the ranter's bathroom. These simple practice sessions are not the same as delivering a rant, but provide a good reference point for later. The second form of rant is the typed rant, this is a style of rant that appears on forums, and unless regulated through some sort of ranting thread, can stop even the most intelligent conversations dead in their tracks. This medium also has its advantage of being far more organized and often longer. While an expert of vocal rants can quickly adapt the rant to this medium, it to takes some practice. The primary disadvantage comes from the simple fact that these rants are, quite plainly, better organized. Whereas during a vocal rant, a ranter can repeat themselves numerous time, the typed rant cannot have many repeats because the unfortunate reader can go back at any time and look at what has been said by the ranter. This makes it much harder to produce fluff for the rant, and forces the ranter to produce new and fairly original saying that either is totally new, or is veiled enough to be unnoticeable. Another problem is that it must be constructed in a manner that is not so much grammatically correct as grammatically passable. This will better engross the reader as they will not have to translate the poor grammar of the writer into understandable English, and thus devoting more of the reader's mind to the futile attempt to understand the enormous amount of sheer idea that has been forced in through their eyeballs. A understandable amount of grammar along with legitimate spelling can easily engross a reader to a drooling troll of their former selves when inserted and utilized properly in a rant. The reason for this is that, especially in grammar Nazis, the lack of grammar may simulate some tiny part of their comatized brain, reversing the attempts of the ranter to devolve them to the lowest for of life form as allowed by nature due to the constant translation and thus stimulation of their mind.

The day that all things must be proven by science is the day the soul dies.
Some people wouldn't recognize subtlity if it hit them on the head with an iron pan. - Unknown
Idleness is only enjoyable when there is still work to be done. - Jerome K. Jerome
I listened to a song the other day, and all I could think was "red, yellow, green, blue"

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Re: Rants on Rants

Post  Admin on Sun Jan 11, 2009 6:45 pm

it's true it is an art.... also terrence since i had no english proper i need to tell you something, i think you should seperate some parts with paragraphs idk why but it just seems more readable to me (sorry for interupting)

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